20 years vego/ 9 months Vegan and I still feel the sadness......

This is not meant to be offensive to anyone...

It is just how I am feeling at the moment.......

Please read this with an open mind and not take it personaly because it is not directed at you.......

I just need to get this out..
I need to vent..
I need to be heard.
I need to be understood...

I am just feeling really lost.........

I am finding it increasingly harder to live in a hypocritical world and be at peace with myself...

I feel like the only way to fit in is to be fake and live up to a false version of what people like.....
and I hate it...

I hate having to be fake, forcing the smile and keeping in my heart break....

Having to act carefree and complying with others standards or lack thereof (because honestly a non vegan does not live by compassion, empathy, spirituality or honesty)
It is impossible to be any of those things when living blind and dis connected....

it’s all just hypocrisy...

Not knowing is one thing, but not wanting to know is more than a cop out. It is selfish and mean.

I’m not saying I am perfect or better than anyone here, at the very least I am facing the awful truths and trying to live honestly and ethically.

I hate having to pretend otherwise....something which i am doing everyday just to fit in and get through......

I turn a blind eye
(not on the violence, suffering and lies.....NO, that stuff is burned in to my mind and soul and I can’t escape it...)

NO.... I turn a blind eye away from what I see my people do around me on a daily basis, I smile, I have to be polite and act like things doesn’t bother me.

But they bother me so much more than I can ever get a non vegan to understand.

This leaves me feeling alone, because most of the people I know and call friend are non vegan.

Non vegans simply do not understand the ethics of being vegan.

No offence intended but when people say...
‘I get it’ or
‘I support you’ or
‘I respect your beliefs’
well it’s kind of a mute and empty statement because if they did
‘get it’......
really ‘get it’.......
really understand the ethics, the compassion, the spirituality, the health aspects, the sustainability and environmental aspects...

THE HOLISTIC VEGAN PHILOSOPHY....

if they did ‘GET IT’ they would have no other logical course to follow other than to become vegan themselves...

But.......

How stupid am I...

I just realised that some people do actually

‘get it’

or at least understand the facts around factory farming, health and diseases linked to a meat eating diet, the impact on the environment etc....

And here I was assuming that people will follow a logical course to benefit others and the planet we share.....

I keep forgetting how selfish, self absorbed and self centred people can be....

So i guess the troubles in my mind, the confusion i feel and the heart ache come from 2 separate places.

One, having to be a silent witness to the injustice and misery of others (animals) and the other, the realisation that a lot of people essentially don’t give a fuck and live disconnected not caring about who or what they hurt.

They continue to be a part of a society that condones, promotes and encourages such unfair, unwarranted and totally unnecessary abuse, murder and enslavement of other beings for such selfish reasons as taste, convenience and some might say luxuries.

If I am going to be honest with myself I have to say I find this nothing more than a soulless, heartless and selfish on the part of the individual.

Because when we really look at all that is important.
Our health, our environment, the next generation (be it our kids or even their kids) our ethics, the only reason left for taking the life of another creature is for taste.

We live in an age with choices, with so much information available to us.
We live in a time where we have the knowledge to make this a better world yet most of us turn a blind eye, we turn our backs and walk away selfishly.
We live in a time where taste is relative and anything, any meal can be made a mock up of a meat dish....but selfishly people continue to abuse and kill animals....
like they are all just here for us to do with as we please because they are weaker than us......because we can....

So we play God, we breed them, confine them, pump them full of growth hormones and anti biotcs.
We separate them from their children, we don’t give them any freedom or peace, we keep them away from the sun and open paddocks.
We pack them of tightly onto trucks or ships, the lucky ones die in transit the rest have to be prodded and pushed down a kill chute shaking, frothing at the mouth in fear with no escape.....
sent to be stunned with an electric current before bolted through the brain....(and that is at an ethical slaughter house) not all are so lucky.....
WHY because we can...
WHY because of taste.....
its FUCKED....
My heart breaks every day....


It’s not a personal choice...
I just want people to stop hurting, abusing and eating my friends....
No, I don’t know these animals personally, but they can all feel fear and pain just like my Casper did, just like my Kiki does and they are all just as capable of love, just like my Bryson and Sally where and just like my boy Buddha is......

So when I hear people say
‘I get it’ or
‘I support you’
it really gives me little comfort when I know they will continue to eat, wear, use and be a part of the violent society that supports the misery of dairy farms, the killing of 700,000 baby cows yearly, the hidden torture of the life on a factory farm, the horrific treatment of the killing machine that is the slaughter house, the daily abuse of so many innocent animals that would love unconditionally just like their own pet cats or dogs if only given that chance.

Paying for someone else to do the killing and packaging (as neat as it looks in the supermarket) is really no different than doing it themselves (only they don’t have to hear the screams, face the misery or wash the blood of their hands)

When you really think about it....paying the hired help to do the dirty work is even lower than taking the responsibility for the misery and pain that only has to happen to meet a selfish need for taste (not for health, not for survival, not for any good reason at all)

This is the kind of thing I have to put out of my mind and turn a blind eye to when I am around most people......

So what do I do...

I feel lost.

I have been self isolating for 8 months doing the minimal amount of socialising, playing it safe and staying away from people....
I don’t mind it...

I prefer the company of my animal friends. It is honest and uncomplicated.

I can get along with anyone...if I lie, if I pretend, if I hold back and keep my mouth shut, if I am polite....

But.....

I hate this being false and acting fake....but I can’t see any other way to be if I am to function is this society amongst what is deemed the ‘normal’ people.
Being myself, will just drive people away...
No one wants to be reminded of what they are eating or how that animal was treated and especially how it may have suffered and how it was killed for nothing more than taste...

Because when it does come down to it....
Once we have gone the sustainability argument, the environmental argument, the health argument, the cultural and religious argument...
It comes down to taste....the eating of animals is not necessary and is in fact harmful to our health and the health of the planet...

So.. taste...

and taste is the most selfish reason to take a baby form its mother, to slaughter an innocent, to farm a living creature as a commodity.....

Sometimes, I have no other choice but to be social, there is work, the gym, the social interactions I have to be a part of to make Phil happy (which I do willingly for him)

In my heart I don’t dislike people, I don’t judge anyone, I do enjoy the company of my friends and family (when I can put aside the heart break I feel and block my thoughts, hold my tongue, ignore the little things)

It does make it hard thou because I can’t say that I respect, look up to or aspire to be like anyone I know...
Everyone talks up kindness, compassion, spirituality etc...
PLUR..
what a joke Peace, love unity and respect....as long
as you don't have fur, fins, feathers etc...
Peace love unity and respect for what exactly...
Its a fucken joke...
But how can we live by any of those things in a non vegan world...
What does it mean to be kind....
is kindness knowing a baby calf will be killed as a by product of dairy but it doesn’t matter as long as we have ice cream..
What does it mean to have compassion....
is it compassionate knowing that battery hens live their entire lives in cages, never see the light of day, stand on wire all day long, can never stretch their wings... but it’s ok because we can say we care and how horrible it is and maybe buy free range once in a while....
What is spirituality...is it hiding behind the bible and translating it to say we ‘do unto others’ as we please... Is it wearing the Om or a crucifix around your neck and saying we are spiritual....
I wonder what Jesus or Buddha would do...would they be ok with a factory farm.... I doubt it.... I’m not saying that I believe in Jesus or religion here..I am just asking this because so many of us claim to be spiritual or Christian....
This is not meant as an insult, a judgement or putdown towards anyone...
I don’t think I am better than anyone else on the contrary I feel that my life or existence is no more important than that of any other creature on this earth.

For as important, special or even how much I may be loved by those close to me....
I am sure that most other creatures feel a kin and closeness to their own babies, siblings, parents etc.

So in this context I am no more special than a baby chicken (because to mother hen, her baby chick is her heart and soul, nurturing, protecting, loving and feeling) to the mother cow that has her baby taken, well her grief would be no less than that of what we would feel having our children taken.

Her pain from being milked twice a day everyday for the entire time she is alive is something I could not even comprehended.
What that poor animal is put through for the sake of our selfish need for milk and cheese...

Any mother that has ever breast fed or used a breast pump...imagine having to do that twice a day for 8 years....it breaks my heart to think about it (again, something else I have to turn a blind eye to when I see people use dairy)....

So what do I do...

I am still lost....

I don’t know how to be or how to fit in

I don't know if i even want to fit in

I don’t even know if I want to try to anymore...

I hate not being true to who I am...

I hate being fake...

I wish I could put all this aside and out of my head and just live in peace and smile and not let the hypocrisy of the world bother me...

How do I stay true to who I am and love those around me when it breaks my heart knowing they don't care or have any compassion or empathy for creatures that they see as being less then themselves......